Life Updates and Power of Habits
Hello folks! Hope you have been well since my last post, which hopefully you have had a chance to read what I wanted to say regarding COVID, the single event that has profound impact in every aspect of our life.
Two parts in this post - first, some life updates here (for those of whom do care):
We have moved to Canada now! East coast on the Toronto side. It has been an extremely exhausting relocation experience in my life. Please note that I had moved across the globe from China to Boston when I was 17, and then from Boston to Memphis nearly 3 years ago. First time relocation for college, I came with 2 big suitcases. Second time going to the South, the only addition after all these years is a car loaded with a couple plates and beddings that could not fit in my 2 suitcases. I did not purchase things than essential, which in my opinion at the time were unnecessary liabilities. And when I say essential, I do not mean it in the way like a girl saying the closet is also missing the next essential item. I mean it in the way that I have only one bowl, one mug, and one set of fork and knife. A set without someone to share is not only unnecessary but also makes me feel alone. Which in some degree true, but I was never lonely with myself.
Picture by Upsplash
Moving in with Lars has put a rosy picture in my way of looking at thing. His apartment (or later our apartment) has filled with wood couches shipped all the way from Denmark, handmade by grand grand (or more) dad. There are Kay Bojesen monkeys (and later his mom bought me owl, dogs, and bobble head), which are stupidly expensive by just being cute. There are vases from Georg Jensen vases, his mountain bike, race bike, city bike, not to mention his nieces that sent over paintings every time they had a painting class. I mean, it was a place filled with stuffs! At first it was totally different than my previous life methodology, but gradually I started to feel emotional connection with the furniture and objects, that they made me feel home. Although I am still the one that stresses that “this needs to go out,” I started to realize that attachment is not that bad of a thing to have.
Picture by me, ~300 boxes moved from our old apartment
Change gear to another topic, we are fully vaccinated! I guess this is the silver lining that came out of the later-than-expected work permit, that the time was just enough for Tennessee to open up vaccination for all, and we were just lucky to get the second shot on the day of driving to Canada. We got Pfizer shots, and the second shot - let me tell you - has really weighed me down the second day. Perhaps I need to be more specific on the situation. After two days of packing and loading, from 5AM to 10PM on the first day and 5AM to 7PM the second, we got the second shot early morning on the third day and started driving for 15 hours straight - until we reached the river spring lodge, a very beautiful country inn in Attica, New York, which is only an hour away to the border. I started to have acute back pain, like I always do after 8+ hours drive, and a little dizziness close to midnight. The second morning was really when the pain kicked in - literally all muscles in my body, from legs to shoulders. I was feeling heavy-headed, not really dizzy but definitely was not clear. Lars got me to have some breakfast and then I went back to bed and slept like a baby until mid day, waking up with sweats and much clearer head. By the way, I took Tylenol 1 pill around every 5-6 hours, which is definitely a must when the pain started. In the afternoon, we got some walks around the beautiful spring in the property, with Burger King (really it was the only thing that is within 10km that was not looking dubious), and sat down on the patio to enjoy some fresh breezes. The pain hit one last time around dinner time, but bubble bathtub with spring water for sure made the night much more enjoyable. I was totally fine the day after, and we headed straight to cross the border! Lars did not really experience side-effects, which I think it is interesting, because he worked much harder than me and drove much more miles. I guess it depends on person. Still super happy to be fully vaccinated, and I encourage all to get the jab if you can, and plan for a relaxing second day!
Picture by Unsplash
Now onto something I would like to share with you is the power of habit, inspired by the book that I just finished recently - Power of Habit, by Charles Duhigg.
Here is a good summary breaking down the book by YouTuber: Productivity Game
Habits are extremely powerful. An old Chinese saying goes, “if every step is not accumulated, it is impossible to walk thousands of miles at a time. If every drop of the water is not collected, it is impossible to form rivers and oceans” (fellow Chinese readers please correct my lousy translation). Nevertheless I think the idea is very clear, that small behaviors and incremental changes are what lead to fundamental transformation. There are so many things in our lives that we do almost mechanically without thinking. For example are you a breakfast-eater or not? If so, when do you typically eat breakfast during weekday - immediately after you get up or around mid-morning? Do you read news with coffee to start the day? Or you are the one that immediately gets into email to check up all unread emails that came through during the time you were away? Do you put on workout gears immediately after work? Or are you a couch potato after a day’s work? All of those choices that we make every day, play a significant role in shaping our figures, mentality, and will. But, even though you might think you make those decisions consciously every day, it might not be so. It could very much be the habit, that you have been doing and just continue to doing so.
The book offers the habit loop framework, which helps explain how habits form and how we can change. The argument goes that a cue triggers the routine, which turns into a reward. In this case, the cue is around 3pm in the afternoon, the routine is to go to cafeteria to grab a cookie, and the reward is quality away time from your time. If the routine is not desirable - if the daily cookie adds a few unwanted pounds, by identifying the cue and reward, and inserting new routine, the habit can be successfully transformed. The new routine in this case could be going to your colleague’s desk and chatting with them, than going to cafeteria for a cookie.
Picture from blog
In my personal experiences, I started to pay attention to habits when I was in the middler year in college (middler means 3rd, in case you wonder). I found myself overthinking of things to do on a daily basis, which is neither productive nor building my mental strength. Things like workout decision, or read the books which have always been in the bucket list but most of the time got postponed from other distractions such as social media and friends’ invites to party. What I realized was that the time spent thinking about the decision is much more energy draining than it absolutely needs to be. Just go and do it, and remember how good it feels afterwards is more than enough. I trained my brain to treat workout decision and daily book-reading as habits, natural compositions of my days, where my body reacted automatically when the stimulus comes. This has indeed changed my life significantly - I was able to work out 3x a week, not just for a particular week, not in need of any sweet rewards to incentive the behavior. I was able to finish 15 books last year, and be super grateful to the breadth of knowledge given by browsing various topics - from novels to non-fiction, from Hank Green to Yuval Noah Harari.
Another point I would like to advise is to take baby steps. I used to be a person waking up to write down specific daily tasks, quantifying my goals of the day. For example I would not put down book-reading, but specifically 30 pages of xyz. Later what I came to realize is that the strategy was driving my insane. Sometimes I would feel guilty in bed if I had done 15 pages, but not 30 pages.
It should not be this case. What I should learn is to celebrate, to be my own cheerleader and be thankful for what I have achieved. This is a very important lesson in my life. Therefore, besides what I absolutely need to get done (things like work and study), I no longer put a quota on my other hobbies, such as workout, reading, playing piano and guitar. I soon picked up other venues that I enjoy to make my voice, such as my website here, which I never force myself to write any specific topic, on any specific time interval. Don’t get me wrong - I still have a rough target to post once per month for example, but this quantifiable goal no longer drives my life decision. That is to say, I do not need to get up in the middle of the night when I was exhausted and has absolutely no inspiration on the topic, just to finish some goals set by myself.
There are so much insights in the book regarding the power of habits besides individual level, on the corporate and social level. It is a easy reading with plentiful examples, from why tooth paste tastes minty to the civil rights movement pivoted by Montgomery bus boycott, I highly recommend!
